I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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