I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I need to align my fucking chakras
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
