i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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