I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
They have beer where we have blood.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
