Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
