haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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