She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
