dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
