Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
