alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
