Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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