The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
