so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I love you.
Bad choice
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