im six kinds of drunk right now
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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