I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
