sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
