ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
