Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
