but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
