I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
