Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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