she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
