He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
