I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
