So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I intend to get homeless drunk
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
