no, he came in my armpit
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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