oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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