i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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