do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
