I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
