Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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