where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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