you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
