I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
