so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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