TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
