when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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