I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
