I murdered the dance floor call the cops
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
