The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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