Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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