Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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