You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
