What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
