The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
