this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize