he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
