you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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