My Higher Power is John Stamos
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
