Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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