Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize