I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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