your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
