as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
