do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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