A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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