dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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