its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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