she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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