I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's never too late to be topless.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
