is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
