If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
