Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
