Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
