wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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