That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize