He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
