so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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