I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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